Gather round sinners! Draw close and confess your innermost misplaced hopes that drew you and an innocent box of plastic and cardboard to the checkout aisle or screen. Were your hopes honest and without care? Were your assumptions of time and space accurate to the hidden dreams held within that carton of decisions and crunchy points? Did you dream of game nights with a legion of friends banging on your door screaming “Let’s play!”
SHAME!
Here in our safest of spaces, the Board Game Quest faithful voice repentance and humbly confess their personal misguidedness in gaming purchases of folly. Listen well and heed these cautionary tales for therein lies salvation of wallet and mind. These are the stories of Shelves of Shame with a burden of games too early romanced yet never fully loved.
Grab a box of tissues, and read on as we discuss the game on our Shelf of Shame, we most want to play (and how many games reside on said shelf)
The Game on Our Shelf of Shame We Really Want to Play
Star Trek Frontiers (3)
Chosen by Tony
I actually do a pretty good job of playing games as they come in, or at least offloading them if they sit unplayed for too long of a time. Most games on my Shelf of Shame are recent additions via trade (except for Race the Wind, which I’m still holding out hope Tahsin will someday learn the rules and teach me). Anyway, the game on my shelf I’m most interested in trying out is Star Trek: Frontiers. It’s billed as a retheme of Mage Knight, which I really like, yet set in the Star Trek universe. You’ll be exploring the universe, fighting hostile ships, and uncovering new mysteries. However, Star Trek: Frontiers is not a light game, and its learning curve is one of the reasons it’s still waiting to be played. Hopefully, someday I’ll find the time to sit down with the rulebook and figure things out.
1-4 Players • Ages 14+ • 60-240 minutes • $60
The Great Zimbabwe (9)
Chosen by Brandon
Is there anything more sinful than taking time out of your first Gen Con experience to purchase a game from another attendee (pre-arranged of course), shipping it back, and then not playing the game at all? This is the origin story of my 2023 acquisition of The Great Zimbabwe (TGZ). Considering that both Food Chain Magnate and Bus rank in my top twenty games, not carving out a game night for TGZ is certain to bring shame to my collection. It whispers to me even now as I type this: “Brandon, unbox me now. Come and experience the epic auction, network-building, and end-game victory conditions based on which god you’ve chosen to worship.” I’m not usually one to let strategic depth languish for this long. And Splotter Spellen designed games have yet to disappoint me. Perhaps the final weeks of the year 2024 will provide a clear path to getting this to the table. I wonder which of the gods I should appease to make this wish come true? And for any readers out there appalled by this sin, please, for the love of all things sacred, encourage me in the comments below.
2-5 Players • Ages 14+ • 90-150 minutes
Horseless Carriage (16)
Chosen by Jacob
Is there anything more appropriate to have on your shelf of shame than a Splotter game? No shocker that there are 2 of them on this list. The newest offering from the Dutch madmen is Horseless Carriage. When it was announced, I quickly jumped on pre-ordering it, as I’m a big fan of many of their games (Bus, Roads & Boats, The Great Zimbabwe, and Antiquity being my favorites). The more I dug into Horseless Carriage upon receiving it, the more I realized that, unlike many of their games that thrive on frequent and often brutal player interaction, this one feels much more like a solo puzzle to be solved. Add to that the fact that our group’s game nights usually focus on games that top out at the 2-2.5 hour mark (longer games are usually reserved for appointment gaming), it’s just continued to sit there, gathering dust. My prediction is that I will ultimately play this game once and then sell it, but until that day comes, the shame continues.
3-5 Players • Ages 14+ • 180-240 minutes • $90
Clinic (20)
Chosen by Tahsin
There are many reasons why games don’t get played, but probably one of the most common among them is that the game doesn’t match well with the available audience. Such is the case with Clinic (I even have the Deluxe edition). The theme has players in the role of hospital administrators and architects, managing patient inflow, hiring doctors, and overseeing the basic operational aspects of the entire medical facility. It’s a bit of a narrow draw, but the robust economic angle on this promises engagement galore. Unfortunately, not many other gamers I know share the same desire. I might get desperate enough to play this solo while managing two different player boards. Alas, Clinic and its four expansions sit on a shelf doubly mocking and chastising me for the purchase. Sorry, Clinic, I’ll get to you someday.
1-4 Players • Ages 14+ • 60-150 minutes • $70
The Gallerist (7)
Chosen by Alex
I’m not sure if this really counts, since I’ve played Andrew’s copy of The Gallerist, but I’m putting it here anyway. My lovely wife bought this for me for my birthday less than a month after I had played it with Andrew and company at Gen Con, and I was so happy to get my hands on it, thinking it would be a great thematic game to introduce friends into the world of heavier Euros. It’s been sitting on the shelf, components unpunched, and barely given attention since it was gifted to me. To make matters worse, she also bought me Escape Plan (a new game at the time) and we played that three times, while my favorite Lacerda has sat dormant. Shame on me.
1-4 Players • Ages 14+ • 60-150 minutes • $107
Flying Colors (15)
Chosen by April:
A little over a year ago I decided to branch out and try wargames. I stepped carefully into this world, knowing I could quickly get in over my head. After much research and advice, I began my careful acquisition, one title at a time, and quickly fell in love with the genre. Somewhere along the way I bought or traded for a copy of Flying Colors from GMT. I thought the theme might encourage my husband who likes naval battles (but not wargames) to play it with me, and if not, I could solo it. But these types of games are lengthy and complex (compared to other games in my collection) and, between parenting full-time and having so many other games to play, I just haven’t found the time or mental energy to learn this one. My hope is that writing about it will inspire me to change that soon!
1-4 Players • Ages 12+ • 240 minutes • $75
Gascony’s Legacy (2)
Chosen by James
My shelf of shame/opportunity can be split into a few categories. Unplayed games tend to be small (the two are recent acquisitions). Then there are the piles of unpainted miniatures (don’t make me estimate unless you want to see a grown man cry) and lastly, there are unfinished campaign games. Off the top of my head, I’m mid-campaign in 7 different games with two (not started) and quite a few still incoming from crowdfunding… is one of the two games on my shelf of shame (the other is Comanauts). This is a game with swashbuckling swordplay that has you utilize the terrain to your advantage (like rolling barrels toward enemies or swinging from chandeliers). Additionally, each hero’s weapons have distinct areas they can attack, making facing critical as I picture fencing battles like the epic battle between The Man in Black and Inigo Montoya. I grabbed this game on clearance (but showed restraint not picking up the two expansions for it (yet) *high fives self*) and I regret nothing other than trying to decide when I should start (and probably not finish) it but at least there’s no miniatures taunting me with their grayness, so that’s nice.
1-4 Players • Ages 12+ • 60-90 minutes • $34
Löwenherz (34)
Chosen by Dylan
My word, I have a lot of unplayed games. It is safe to say I am a curator of games, having double the number of previously owned games that ones in my collection. I am the type of person who when a game in my circle of opinions gets hype, I am one to go out and get it cheap or trade for it. Which is why I own Löwenherz. Designed by Klaus Teuber, the man behind classic Catan, it is a game of princes divvying up portions of land their father will leave them. It has a simple action selection system of picking one of 3 actions. The catch is that you are selecting simultaneously. If two players select the same action, they must negotiate for use of the action. If they cannot agree, they duel it out. A limiting factor for me getting this played is that it is best at four. Since there are only three actions, there will always be one that multiple people pick. My regular game group is three players. While people say it is still good, it is universally thought of as for four only.
2-4 Players • Ages 12+ • 90 minutes
Perseverance: Castaway Chronicles (35)
Chosen by Matt
Perseverance is probably my most shameful game on the shelf of shame for a couple of reasons. One is that I’ve had Episodes 1 & 2 sitting unplayed on the shelf for two years and I’ve already backed Episodes 3 & 4, which will probably sit on my shelf just as long when they finally arrive. The other is that I served as an early playtester for the game, and I’d really like to see how the final product turned out. Perseverance is a dice-drafting worker placement game set on a dangerous island where survivors must come together to build a new civilization. The first box actually consists of two episodes, which are stand-alone games that share a core theme and ruleset, but the story and mechanisms evolve from one episode to the next. The following box, releasing next year, will contain two more episodes, and it’s also possible to play through each episode as part of a larger campaign. In Episode 1, you’ll be struggling to protect the makeshift settlement from attacking dinosaurs by constructing walls and traps, while also navigating the new colony’s political climate. Episode 2 has players expanding the colony, exploring the hostile wilderness beyond its borders, and allowing you to customize your faction and leader. Hopefully, I’ll manage to get Episodes 1 & 2 played before 3 & 4 make their way onto the shelf.
1-4 Players • Ages 14+ • 80-180 minutes
Spirit Island (31)
Chosen by Emma
My partner and I pick out a specific game to buy that we’re excited about every year for our anniversary. As we get ready to pick out this year’s game, last year’s Spirit Island sits untouched on my shelf. I like the theme, a kind of anti-Catan where the indigenous island population fights back against colonization. The art is bright and interesting. I have friends who have liked it and recommended it multiple times. I’ve even watched multiple how-to-play videos and read the rule book all the way through. There’s no logical reason why this one has languished on my shelf all year, but there it sits. We even bought the more simplified Horizons of Spirit Island at the same time, thinking that the basic version would be a good learning tool. No luck. Both are collecting dust now.
1-4 Players • Ages 13+ • 90-120 minutes • $63
Pandemic Legacy: Season 0 (46)
Chosen by Chris
Of the absurd 46 games currently residing on my shelves of shame (that’s right: plural), the one I’m most annoyed by is the third entry in the Pandemic Legacy series. I’ve played the other two and have had this one—still tucked comfortably in its pristine shrink wrap—since its release date. At this point, it’s basically just taunting me. Sometimes I’ll walk past the game and announce my intention to play it at some point, but we both know it’s a shallow promise at best. My list also includes a few other shameful items like Legacy of Yu, Troyes, and Witchcraft, the last of which I went out of my way to purchase at this year’s Gen Con. I also have at least two dozen games in this bundle that I’ve already decided to sell before even attempting to play, which I think effectively illustrates how depressing the entire situation is. I think the moral of my sad, shelf-of-shame story is thus: I buy too many games. Someday I’ll learn from this moral. Someday…
2-4 Players • Ages 12+ • 45-60 minutes • $69
Hissy Fit (21)
Chosen by Marcus
I have a tendency to pick up small, fun looking games thinking they’ll be easy to fit in some time. And that generally proves to not be the case. Why try something new for something short and light when we already have the likes of Guillotine, Zeus on the Loose, and There’s A Moose in the House! I keep trying though, which is why that type of game is what mostly inhabits the shelf of shame for me. The one I’d probably most like to get to the table is Hissy Fit. As a person with four cats, I can empathize with the theme of trying to get a cat into a carrier before they scratch you to death. It seems simple but challenging (as any cooperative game should be!). The art is very cute and charming, which may have been my weakness in deciding to pick it up. Maybe I just haven’t tried it yet because it has the potential to be too similar to my real-life vet-trip trauma…
1-4 Players • Ages 8+ • 20 minutes • $22
De Vulgari Eloquentia (ℵ₀)
Chosen by Andy
During Covid, a mentor advised me to be very active on Kickstarter and play as many new games as possible, to improve my game marketing and game design skills. Well, this led to me backing a lot of crowdfunded games and buying a lot of new games online, but even though I’ve found a great gaming community post-COVID in Oakland, my unplayed games cannot be counted in any finite sense. Hence ℵ₀, the mathematical symbol corresponding to the level of infinity that corresponds to the set of all integers.
From that pile, perhaps the game that may be the hardest for me ever to find a willing audience for is De Vulgari Eloquentia by Mario Pampini (published in the U.S. by Z-Man Games). What could be more exciting to the average gamer than a game about creating a mashup of various Italian dialects to create a new language? So, it’s a very beige Euro about a very beige theme with a very beige (heck, it’s Latin!) name. And yet, I hunger to get it played. Aliquando fiet!
2-5 Players • Ages 14+ • 120 minutes
Agemonia (12)
Chosen by Brian B
I am actually proud of myself. I am constantly mocked in Discord for never playing the games I buy, yet those who consistently mock me have considerably more than I do…
Anyway, the point of this is not to call out Chris (feel free to join our Discord to join in the mocking games), but to declare that the game I most want to clear from my shelf of shame is Agemonia. I am REALLY looking forward to playing this narrative, cooperative dungeon crawler. It is right up my alley, and I really look forward to playing it 2 handed solo and/or with Tony. So WHY haven’t I played it? I have had a backlog of games to review. Also, I have an upcoming review of Primal…. and its expansions. So THAT has taken my time up as well.
1-4 Players • Ages 12+ • 60-120 minutes • $195
